It's hard for me to deal with change. Most people would agree. They find a system and they stick with it. But for me, it's really difficult to deal with the change of my friendships. I love my friends. I really really do. It is because of them that I find most of my happiness and joy. I love each and everyone of them to pieces. I don't like being alone, because I'm not with them. I will be that woman who always has friends in her life, because that's just how God created me. But, what is difficult for me to get over is when friendships start to split. And that's something I just do not like. I know it's natural and that over time, it's just not possible to keep up with those you love all the time. But, gosh darn it, I just don't like the idea of having time separate me from my friends. Granted, facebook has made things a lot easier, but it's not always the same. I like things to stay the way they used to be sometimes. I want to grow up, but keep all my lovely friendships for all my years with me. I know this doesn't make a lot of sense, but i've been feeling this way for a while. I wish people didn't have to change, leave, move or grow up.

Princes and Princesses

There was once a little girl, who longed for a prince. She knew her fairy-tale stories by heart, and was sure that one day, her prince would find her. She knew he would be perfect in every way. He would be taller than her, with thick hair and gleaming eyes. He would be strong enough to scoop her into his arms, and walk her to the most perfect horse ever. And after that, well, who knew. But she was sure that it would be perfect. One day, this little girl grew up, and went to college. She soon realized that her fairy-tale was never going to happen. She knew this because as soon as she went to her first class, some boy let the door slam in her face. And later, after she tripped over a rock in the street, boys walked around her, like she had a disease. This little girl, who longed so desperately for her prince, soon gave up on every finding someone for her. And as soon as she gave up the idea of perfection, she met someone.

Hey there fellow bloggers!

I'm pretty much a disgrace to the blogging community. It's been like 5 months since my last blog, and so much has happen since I last was here. It always seems to happen to me. I forget I have this little thing, I read someone else's blog, I think to myself I should blog, and then I remember that I actually have one.

But, I have news of great joy! As of this summer, I will be blogging like everyday because I'm GOING TO KENYA!!!!

:)

Yes, I'm pumped. Pumped isn't even the right word for it. More like "HOLY-MOTHER OF-FREAKIN-PEARL- excited.

I decided last fall that I wanted to go somewhere for a summer, as intern. My problem was picking out where to go. I've been to 4 countries in my short lifetime, and the possibilities were at least those 4 places. But God laid on my heart Kenya, and that's where I decided I wanted to go. So this past summer, I spent the whole time working and filling out an application to go. And in October, I found out I'll be attending with 4 wonderful and beautiful girls and 4 totally awesome guys! This is seriously going to be the trip of my life, because once I start teaching after college, there won't be a legit opportunity to go again.

Since I've already been to Kenya, one would assume I'd be used to the living conditions. But I'm starting to doubt that assumption. Yes, I've been there. But it's been almost 4 years. The children I loved and served could either be gone, enslaved in some form of slavery, have contracted AIDS or be malnourished and hungry. And the living conditions are still going to shake me. I'm living in a cramped, small dorm with only a bathroom sink to wash my dishes, hands and face. These people have nothing. A shack with mud and clay and garbage keeping it together. No sewer system, no real system at all. No way to really move out of the slum, no prospects, and the constant fear of dying. But this excites me. The believers who live this life have nothing. Nothing but hope. They have hope that someday they will be saved from this sorry life. Americans don't have this hope. We live off of our money, literally. Money buys happiness. And we can preach all we want the idea of charity and living simple lives, but the real truth is no one is really comfortable with that idea. We all want to be safe. We want our future to be safe, our families to be safe, and how is that accomplished? By spending money on a nicely furnished house so our kids feel secure in who they are. It's rather lame to me. I lived in a small house with the same tv set my parents got when they were engaged. We lived off of one income for a seriously long time, and were still able to have vacations and Christmas gifts every year. My point to all this rambling isn't to show you how one is to live or to gloat about my life, but to show that there are always people worse off than us who would love to have just a taste of how our lives are lived.

So, that is who I'll be serving. And I just can't wait. I want to be changed, and I want other's to teach me how to trust God when there isn't anything left. I want to hold baby Kenyans in my arms and love them more than anyone else has ever loved them. I want to encourage Christian woman to wait for the man God has made for them, and not ever to think they aren't beautiful. God has done some seriously amazing things in my past. And it will be such a joy to give it all back.

-V

Dear Readers :)

It has been quite a long time since I even thought about blogging. And thanks to my best friend Amy Barton, I am here tonight writing.

School is full swing now, and tomorrow ends the first full week of school. I'm packed with quizzes and the fear of midterms. But this is why I'm here, right? To get an education, a degree, and become the best elementary school teacher there is. I'm taking world lit, world history, human development, geology, and the introduction to education. I'm busy with just school, but now we have to add all my extras. Marching Band is such an intense activity. In high school, everyone made fun of me for being a dork. It wasn't the cool thing to do. But I never really cared what they thought of me. I was happy with my dorky band friends. And now, it's like the exact opposite. All I have to do is mention I'm in the AUMB, and people just open the door to a flood of compliments. Also, I am in Tau Beta Sigma, which is a service organization, meaning I work for and serve my marching band. I am a Kadettes Member,and I attend RUF pretty much as much as I can.

So that's what's been going on. I have lots of goals to keep up. I gotta get better grades this year, which basically means I have to balance my time better. I want to love my friends even more than I do now. And I want to be happy where God has me. I think the last one is the biggest goal because there are so many ways to go around it. I want to be happy where I am in my relationships, my physical body, and my personal traits/ abilities.

On this note, I'll leave with a saying. It's a beautiful day. Smile!

Jealousy. But thank God for forgivness.

I grew up under the shadow of my best friend. We were not equal. She was THE girl. Popular, beautiful, funny, and I lived by her side. She wasn't snobby or mean, and growing up with her since age 8, I didn't need anyone else in my life but her. When we were young, we were just little girls who played make-believe in the back yard or in the bedroom. We modeled our mom's closet, baked cookies, and lived the most carefree childhood imaginable. And even when we grew up, and she had other friends beside mine, and I was ok with that. Because I knew she would always be there for me. And it wasn't until late high school that I ever doubted that.
Then my grandma died.
She had been suffering of lung and bone cancer for a long time. My family and I cried and wept as we celebrated her return to Heaven. However, my friend wasn't always there for me when I needed her. And that's when I realized our differences. I love this girl with my heart. I always will. We have a long history of mission trips, and conferences, and ski trips, and birthdays and movies. And she will always be my friend.
My point is to let yall know that I suffer from a massive sin of jealousy. This girl had everything, and continues to have everything that I most desire. And some days, I can even sit and think how much better my life would be if I were her. My family gets by you could say. My dad is a pastor. My mom is a teacher. They have given me clothes, a car, way too many books, and basically everything in my room is from them. They also are paying out of state tuition (aside from some scholarships) for me to attend Auburn. The one school my heart desired to go to. The only school out of five to accept me. I am jealous of her standard of living. I am jealous.
THANK GOODNESS FOR FORGIVENESS. God has blessed me, and yet all I can see is the wants I don't have. I am so thankful for Him. Yes, most people have nicer things than my family. We still have the same tv from when my parents got engaged. But, God has blessed my family with so many things. Cars for free, repairs for free, furniture for free, even computers for free. So many things that can cause worry or fear, God has taken care of. Why do I need to be jealous of someone who has flaws herself? Why do I need to desire to be someone else when I am created, molded, and fashioned into a Woman of GOD!!
This has been a lot of rambling. But God knows my heart. I am so sinful, always wanting the next best thing. So He forgives me. He knows how much of a child I really am. He knows everything about me, and loves me still. So, I will end this post by saying how much I love Him for forgiving me of my jealousy.

I found this.
And all I can think about is how true this dramatic picture is. Too many girls and women feel compelled to look a certain way. We feel like the goal we are supposed to have is to be skinny, and polished. Yet, to me, the picture on the left look normal and almost romantic. I want to tell the world, tell the female population that this is legit. And that the lady on the right doesnt look happy at all.

Excuse me, but I seemed to have lost summer.

How in the world did summer fly this quickly? I would love to know because I still would like to relax, and be lazy at the pool. Or really...I think I'm just dreading the fact that I'm going to have to work really hard this semester. But I also have this strong desire to improve my friendships, and be open to all the new freshmen that will enter my life. I want to be a wonderful friend to every single person I meet.
I also want Jesus. Yes. I have Him already. But I want more. I've been having this mini goals pop in my head over the summer of how to make my next year better than last year. And the one thing that keeps coming up is Jesus. Reading his word. Loving on His children. Volunteering my time somewhere, whether or not people notice me.

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in Heaven".

This verse has always humbled me. How many times to I do a service and think "I hope... saw that because then they will see how kind I am." SERIOUSLY?
When did compassion become jealousy. or hatred. I want my compassion and kindness and love for the depressed, the hated, and the lonely to be one that is full of pure love. And that will only happen with Christ.

I am not going to rush summer. With one month left until band camp, it's pretty easy to. God has blessed me with a great summer. It's not time to rush back to school.

Well, here it goes.

I've been SO busy.

ok, the truth is I kinda forgot about this. I journal on a regular basis (actually 8 years) in a notebook, so that's what i've been using.

I started my summer working at Steak and Shake. Which was awesome, because I met a great girl and she made me laugh. Which made us friends. That's pretty much my only criteria. Make me smile and we shall be life-long buddies. However, there were some issues at my store that I couldn't get past. And when I got a phone call from Bath and Body Works asking me if I would like to work for them, I knew God was giving me a second chance. So that's where I've been. and I LOVE it. The ladies and gentlemen that I work with have southern charm. All of them make me laugh, like everyday. And whenever I'm having a rough afternoon, there is this one lady who is full of encouragement. I doubt she is a believer, but, she is a great lady to talk to. I hope I can share Christ with her. Also, good heavens. The store is my favorite place in the world. I love smelling EVERYTHING. And no, I don't get headaches from it. My plan is to work here for the rest of the summer, and transfer to one in Auburn or Opelika. I think there's one nearby...

Other than that, I'm seeing as many people as I can, trying to get in shape with my best friend and my mom, and catching up on my reading. So far I've read Little Women, Redeeming Love, and Emma. My next set includes The Last Sin Eater, A Walk to Remember, Ever After, and Unveiled. I'm starting to read this book called A Praying Life because my mom said so. She told me it would change how I pray. I'll let you know how it goes! Also, I'm now, as of today, I'm going to a college Bible study. We are studying Philippines. We started tonight and I'm pumped. The entire book is only 4 chapters long, however the book is packed with the ideals of a Christian life. Being satisfied with your life. Knowing that love comes before wisdom. Humbling myself as Christ humbled himself before death. Big chunks like that. I'm sure that by the end of the summer, I'll be able to quote the book. (But don't hold me to that ;))

So that's my summer. I miss Auburn, as well as my dear friends. Which is EVERYONE. basically. I miss late nights in my dorm with my roomies, laughing about silly stuff that bothers us. Or about the drunk guys outside our window. I miss the ability to stay up late and do whatever I want. I miss RUF, and my small groups. Pizza, street games, never staying on topic, and watching Mr. Bean and laughing till the tears come. But, I love being home too. My brother is in Honduras right now, but when he comes home, life will be completely normal. Sorta. My mom and dad just know how to make me laugh. And it's such a joy to be back in the comfortable arms of my friends from Flowery Branch. But, God's been moving in my heart. And I know that once I go back to Auburn, I'm going to be a new girl. A girl who is much, MUCH more confident in herself, and what she can do. A girl who doesn't care about being popular or being invited to everywhere. A girl who knows who she is, and is ready to live.

Summer flowers and romances are blooming. On most normal cases I would be kicking myself in the rear for not working hard enough. Meaning, it's my fault that I don't have a boyfriend. However, this spring, I've really been thinking about what it means to in love with Jesus. It's a really strange idea to think about. I mean. It's God. And Jesus. And the Holy Spirit. All together. That idea right there is enough to make anyone question. What I've been thinking about is how can I desire a relationship more than anything else when the most important thing, it already here.

"Oh Father, make this doubtful heart rejoice. Cause me to stumble, cause me to fail, because only then will I see how badly I need you. Lord, how could a relationship ever take the place of you? You created me! And this desire for someone is so strong. It's hard to fight it. but praise be to You! Because you know me and my heart."

Love is in the air. And so is my Savior.

Let's Get to Know Each Other

First of all, I am a Christian. And with that comes lots of different ideas and titles. But to me, the truth of that title means I have no hope of ever being a better person without the blood of Jesus. It means that no matter what I do, whether I read my Bible everyday or never read it, whether I go to church or not, I can never be less in God's eyes. He bought me with a price and that's how I will forever be.
I am a romantic. That can mean I love anything from young and in love romance, to 63 years of marriage. When I see a couple who has survived living together and is still in love, it gives me hope.
I am a firm believer that no matter how many times guys compliment girls, the girl won't believe him unless she is happy with herself.
I think my mom must have had a sugar craving when she was pregnant with me because nine times out of ten, I crave sweets.
My dream job is a wedding planner, but more than likely I'll be a first grade teacher.
I laugh. loudly and all the time. I'm not flirting. I just have a very open sense of humor.
I make noises when I watch movies. Not talking, but gasping, crying, sighing in agony...I'm a hoot to listen to.
My role models would be my parents. I've seen them fight and argue, but I've also seen them forgive when they don't, or love when they are angry. My dad still looks at my mom with the deepest level of love i've ever seen. My mom still respects and obeys my dad when he makes family decisions. Even if she doesn't always like them. I hope someday, I can have a marriage like theirs.
I have a huge heart for the children in Nairobi Kenya. They taught me to be happy with nothing. Nothing but the love of Jesus. I hope to return to them in a year from now.
I have a thing against boys with large ego, people who chew loudly, and girls who conform to low standards.
I'm not a natural leader, but just give me a room full of children and watch my shine :)
Lastly, I am happiest when I am with people who love me either sitting at the beach listening to the waves, laying on a dock at the lake watching the stars fly and shine, in a field of flowers watching the wind blow the grass or standing on a mountain, arms outstretched to Heaven, simply loving life.