Home is Where My Heart is

I was fortunate enough to get a weekend off to come home. I just love being home. I suddenly am able to shake off every weight that attached itself to me. Recently, I've been struggling with believing that everything that God brings in my life is for a specific reason. This includes people, things, specific changes, and my grades in school. Now, I will be the first person to admit that school isn't really my thing. People are my thing. But, I do desire to be a teacher, so I'll stick with this college thing. But, I don't test well. I can study and study and study for a test, and get a failed grade while others around me get As. I get in a funk, and think to myself:

"You're so stupid. Look at you. Failing at something simple. Everyone else around you is able to complete it with flying colors. You can't do anything right. How did you even get into college anyways? Who's going to want to marry someone as stupid as you."

If I let myself think too much like this, I believe it.

I know this is unhealthy thinking, but it's my first thought. It's my sin causing me to doubt God's goodness. I've never failed a class because I failed the first, second or third exam. My friends still love me even though I fail. My future husband will still love me even if I disappoint him. More importantly, God still thinks I'm worth it.

God knew me, knew my sin, knew everything about my life and the decisions I would make, before I was even alive. He knew I would fail exams, fail people, and fail him. But that just could not stop his deep and unconditional love from reaching out to save me. How could he lose me to sin?
So yes, I'm a failure. And those thoughts will always continue to plague me, until I no longer have to take exams. And then they will adapt to whatever new situation I'm in. But thank goodness God will never give up on me. He takes those thoughts and says:

"Virginia, daughter of mine, stop it. You're being silly. Do you know how insignificant this exam will be in the long haul? Sweet heart, you're beautiful, wonderful, and will always amaze me. I created everything in you to be sweet. Stop worrying about being accepted, or getting a good grade. You're perfect in my eyes."

And because of this, I'll forever Praise my Lord.